Do you remember the old days, the long distant 90s and early 2000s, when the 99 actually cost 99p?
I remember those days. I remember when a flake without the flake was like 50p. I'm not old, but it's sad how faded and gone those days are.
If you want a 99, be prepared with your extra 51p for one with no flake and £1.01 if you want a flake. If St James' Park is anything to go by, you can expect no better.
Now, don't me wrong. I am aware of certain factors. Like, St James' Park is a tourist trap complete with palace (no kidding- Buckingham Palace). People there are freshies who have no experience of how much an ice cream should cost. And, of course, it is credit crunch times.
But surely, if there is a God- ice cream is not diamonds. Ice cream is not rare or valuable. All you basically need is a cow, a whisk and some ice. All of which are available.
And cows produce milk for the cream for FREE. They don't get to CHOOSE. They don't ask for wages in exchange for producing milk, for goddamn sake! And ice?
May I also point out that I live on an island? Bordering England alone are the English Channel, Bristol Channel, Irish Sea, and North Sea. So how on earth are we lacking in water to make ice with? Hmm?
So basically. All they're paying for is the whisk. Or blender. Which, relatively, is nothing compared to the money you'll earn if you're cheap AND in a tourist trap.
I am starting to feel very strongly about the issue of how much a 99 should cost.
Why should we pay extra because of the credit crunch?
The damn credit crunch was caused by a bunch of kretins borrowing money from people that don't have money in the first place. We should be the ones leaching off on expenses from people's tax, not the damn people who caused the credit crunch!!!!
THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE SUPPOSEDLY FREE.
Well. Ice cream isn't the BEST.
So how about.... The GOOD things in life are CHEAP??
Surely that's good?
But no. The stingy people will continue to serve strange weirdos with posh accents called George (remember him?) who a group of 6 people will all double take. But one of the 6 (ME) later regretted as he didn't have nice hair.
Oh and the ice cream van issue doesn't end with the 99. Ohhhh nooooo.
One magnum was £2. It was the end of the holidays. As if anyone has £2 for a bloody magnum.
Furthermore, WHAT THE HELL?? It is basically £4 for a 6 pack of magnums or something.
So WHAT THE FRICK are they trying to say? That their magnums are somehow superior???
Well. I am not a mathematician. But in an extremely rough estimate, the multipack places one magnum under the value of One British Pound.
I am beginning to suspect, actually, that their thirst for money isn't because of the credit crunch or tourist trap opportunities.
Well. Lets examine. It is an ice cream van. Near Buckingham Palace. Asking for a lot of money.
What if... And I can't be sure... But who knows the world is a sick place....
THESE ICE CREAM PEOPLE ARE QUEEN PERVERTS??????
Think about it!
They sit outside Ol' Lizzie's Gaff all day selling ice cream. The currency they seek is in BRITISH SOVEREIGN. British Money all has the Queen's face on. Hmm?? Ring any bells?
Yes. They must be pervs to Lizzie. This should be stopped. Now.
I bet they also collect stamps.
Sooo....
My completely irrelevant point is, selling ice cream for such expensive prices outside Buckingham Palace in St James' Park is all a scheme by people who perv on the Queen.
